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Brooker on the BNP Party Political Broadcast: ‘Nick Griffin’s first line is “Don’t turn it off!”, which in terms of opening gambits is about as enticing as hearing someone shout “Try not to be sick!” immediately prior to intercourse.’
Brooker on Philip from The Apprentice: ‘If it were legal or even possible to do so, he’d probably marry himself, then conduct a long-term affair with himself behind himself’s back, eventually fathering nine children with himself, all of whom would walk and talk like him. And then he’d lock those mini-hims in a secret underground dungeon to have his sick way with his selves, undetected, for decades.’
Brooker on Royal Ascot: ‘Every year it’s the same thing: a 200-year-old countess you’ve never heard of, who closely resembles a Cruella De Vil mannequin assembled entirely from heavily wrinkled scrotal tissue that’s been soaked in tea for the past eight decades, attempts to draw attention away from her sagging neck – a droopy curtain of skin that hangs so low she has to repeatedly kick it out of her path as she crosses the royal compound – by balancing the millinery equivalent of Bilbao’s Guggenheim museum on her head.’
Praise for Screen Burn by Charlie Brooker
'Charlie Brooker, one of the original and best no-holds-barred observers of that little box of magic. This compilation of his columns for the paper is like a brief history of the 21st century seen through a nation's square eyes.' Big Issue Scotland
'Damning as he may be, his writing is always sharply observed and never less than hilarious. Screen Burn is carcrash humour at its best.' Observer
'This is Brooker in his element, gargling with acid and coming up smiling through gritted teeth as he is given free rein to make use of our great English language, with a very rich and varied vocabulary. Great revenge on Tellyland, but not, maybe, for Aunt Maud.' Manchester Evening News
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